COOCHIN LEGENDS - THE STORIES BEHIND THE STORY
how are the grounds of Langley coming along? i don't know how you manage to
fit the time in between running Langley and the Blue Moose.
----------
why do u prefer the bucolic anonymity of the blue moose to the [albeit
dated] splendour of langley?
----------
here I can temporarily divest myself of the pompous trappings of nobility &
authority, and degenerate into my FNQ persona with Rowdy & the boys.
----------
too true.
what a career...from west gumble high school, cairns, to Admiral of the
High Seas, Ewan MAddock.
----------
yes - captaincy of the Blue Moose is the jewel in the crown sought by
many an aspiring APS retrenchee.
----------
langley - confucist
blue moose - taoist.
abanding the trappings of outward power, xiao-sun-el-jaz sought inspiration
in the hills. here he found an obscure alchemist residing in a rough 'n tumble inn.
----------
as well as a fine supply of moonshine & hominy grits, albeit more noted for
its quantity than its quality
----------
when a great plague swept the earth a few souls found refuge in the blue moose.
the grits were tasteless, but washed down with moonshine they kept them all
alive until the worst was over.
----------
one day, soon, a new phase of civilisation will emerge known as the Blue Moose era.
----------
you may be proud to be the progenitor of a new tribe whose accomplishments are
as trite as the race of mud-crawling beaker folk who drifted into the swamps
of the coochin upwaters 2,000 years ago.
I'd rather go down in history as the one who nailed, finally, the Bridge-Troll.
----------
Langley Hall cannot afford to be too generous in payments to our agents.
We have been apprised of numerous instances in which personnel have let
the original $5 allowance sway their better judgment and have had to recover
them from the back lot of the Sierra and other such establishments where
they were plied with alcoholic beverages of varying qualities.
One can only speculate at the bedevilments to which they may have been subjected
in their intoxicated state.
----------
well it is true, and i can confess i have done as much. one time i collected 3
lots of TA [$15 all up] and went to arne rasmussen's place [he works for Action]
and bought a whole gallon of moonshine off him. woke up the next morning in the
Action supermarket carpark.
----------
a happier fate by far, than your colleague at Telopea Park
----------
deviants like the ones you are implying were eliminated from the shire a long
time ago. after this the shire became the happiest place on earth until the
halibut began to stir. now that the plague has come even Davo from
Matilda Servo is looking long in the mouth. he normally has a smile for every
customer. u should check the shop out if u havent been for a while,
some interesting changes; eg the chocolate and lollies stand has been moved to
the other side of the shop.
----------
i think you made all this up.
----------
i never make things up.
----------
you are being deservedly modest.
I however speak the truth, but in various forms. you take things too literally,
a habit ingrained in you through years of APS servitude.
----------
no, an act of cowardice.
like taking a backwards step in the Blue Moose
----------
everyone knows my accounts of the history of coochin are scrupulous. your are
so wide of the mark as to be an embarrassment.
----------
your "Campbell's History of Campbellville" is as objective as Cheryl Kernot's
"In My Country's Service"
----------
One story has Daniel Boone losing 12 tons of ginseng roots when his boat
upset in the Coochin River. (Talk about a sinking feeling!) That may simply
be a legend, since 12 tons is a heap o''sang!
----------
a few omissions. why put in the cannibalism episodes?
who would be interested in these prurient details?
----------
they were in Cheryl's book.
----------
in Gareth's case, that would be correct
----------
i think that was necrophilia.
----------
the dumb scottish broad who wrote the Harry Potter novels is now richer than
the queen. i believe our coochin tales are of a higher literary standard. so
arent we as rich as the Moghul Khan?
----------
we may become famous posthumously like most authors of classical literature
----------
the site needs to be registered with Google. then we could post daily updates,
and give people the option of signing on to receive them via e-mail. this way
we build up a fan list, trans-oceanic. then we publish the full story in book form.
what a great plan.
----------
make this your prime mission.
uncalculable riches await us when this is fixed.
----------
charging $1 per month for daily e-mail updates we will make squillions.
laughter will be heard throughout the offices of the world.
----------
what a laugh!- they'll rue the day they ever taunted us about their Big
Mower and scrawled their puerile graffiti on the Sierra.
----------
precisely. for all i care the Big Mower could be renamend the Big Tosser.
----------
it is as follows:
fludd is a pawn [unknowingly] in the hands of the old scions down langley
road. commoners held power for the last 2 elections. the mayor and council
rescinded power temporarily to fludd during the [fake] military crisis.
----------
just as long as they keep paying me.
----------
Admiral Fludd is a confidant of mine, and would never take umbrage.
Jed cannot read or rite so he's no danger either.
have u googlised boozerville yet?
----------
you can't simply googlise - you just have to sit back & wait for it to happen.
if practicable, think of the empire during the procedure.
----------
the cream of the Boozerville BVBFB was tuned to a concert pitch of perfection
over many an ale at the Oulde Sierra Inn.
The razor-sharp parrying of wit there has spawned many a literary and political
career, not to mention the fungoid stalactites in its well-used latrines.
----------
all very true. the tidal flow of the BVBFB into the sierra on friday nights
became intimidating. i think jed roiled them up to put me off my game. when
the whisky bottles starting flying I sometimes cut and quit.
----------
this is eerily-familiar to me, if only on an atavistic level. i surmise
this may explain the retreat of the beaker folk into the dense swamps of
upland coochin. and why the campbellville settlers never maintained more
than a cursory post at the mouth. too dangerous. the boogyman'll get ya.
the original Bugi-men were Indonesians from the Celebes - now Sulawesi.
They crept up on unsuspecting ships, stole the cargo, murdered the occupants -
and slipped away into the Moluccan straits. - And thus, their reputation -
however corrupted to boogiemen
----------
so it's true what Nigel told me. no wonder he had mixed feelings about
his forays into Coochinville. his all too obvious delight at consorting with the
local damsels was tempered with his fear of being too close to the murky
coochin riverbank.
----------
the coochin riverbank on a moonless night is as a gate to the Abyss. To
hear what emerges from there is a story that would make even the Troll blanch in terror.
----------
The blood-curdling exclamations from Nigel and his consorts only add to the
terror of a coochin night. Many a sane man has been driven to madness or
senility there by sunrise.
----------
on such nights the Troll cowers in his cave.
strangely, Queen Mabel and her acquantance King Billy lived in the depths of
the treacherous swamp without incident for many years. Mabel eventually got
a bung knee and they moved to the grounds of Langley and soon wrecked the place
[well you know all about that].
----------
a biscuit factory. what a great addition to the coochin province.
lots of quotable quotes come from biscuit factories.
But as a Nabisco route salesman, a good old Southern boy I once knew, used to
love to say even after he had risen high in the biscuit hierarchy: "The sun
don't shine on the same dog's ass all the time."
----------
you got that off a chinese fortune cookie
----------
"Beef 2003" is on in Rocky this week. I may take a tour there to sample
the various steaks available. also the "Bovine Dancers."
----------
a well-known quartet of hoofers in the Rocky region
----------
may run into rowdy there.
also davo will go to check out the holdens
----------
is he rallying up there with the Boganville boys? it's a great outing for them.
i understand Doreen has been nominated for the title of Bovine Princess.
----------
No, the Boganvilleas went down to Redcliffe this week for a party-up with
the visiting Brazilian volleyball team.
Davo went by himself, the first time he has ventured more than 20km away from
the servo all by himself. once he went on a high school biology tour to
Cooche-Mudlo island and was overcome by agoraphobia.
and who be Doreen?
----------
I thought everyone knew Doreen
you must be the last to know
----------
im not sure if the doreen you are referrng to is bovine or human. then again,
you may not be entirely sure. could be a case of speciesium indeterminadium.
----------
doreen was crowned as the Bogan Queen in 1997 and subsequently Miss Forequarters
at the Ipswich Show the following year.
she is as fully human as any red-blooded bogan.
her glory has faded somewhat since those heady days, and she is more & more
forced to seek fame in the provincial areas.
on this occasion, she has been proudly nominated by the fathers of her 3
children and Betta Meats Butcher Shop of Boonah.
----------
ok thanks for filling me in. she is a worthy addition to the cast of coochin country.
there is some confusion over geography. i understand Boozerville to be the
wastelands west of glasshouse and beerwah. what then is the territory of
civilisation called?
Coochin county?
----------
my understanding is that "civilisation as that part of the world which
excludes the boozerville are as you have defined it, and much of the interior
south of there (terra incognito on the map), as well as the Coochin fenlands.
Beerwah & environs is a province in its own right, but the borders between
it & Boozerville & Coochin are very fuzzy, as orcs & trolls hold sway in
those zones, exacting tribute from all who dare cross
----------
so what is the name of the province which includes Beerwah and environs?
is glasshouse, maleny excluded from it?
----------
you have still not answered.
what is the name of the province of which beerwah is the capital city.
is it coochin province?
----------
who runs Beerwah Province?
is it Admiral Fludd, given emergency powers during the recent halibut
infestation, and who has not relinquished these powers?
if so, who ran Beerwah Province before Fludd?
----------
no - it's Beerwah Province - coochin is marginal, like "indian territory"
----------
Similar practice has been reported from the Coocin fenlands....
Carrie Webb, 78, is thankful she can buy white dirt in East Alabama
convenience stores. The local red variety will do in a pinch, but the
white tastes better, particularly when fried with a little grease. "That red dirt
has grit in it sometime. This here is the best," she said, drawing the
powdery white chunk of clay out of a plastic bag. Smiling, she slipped a
piece of "Down Home Georgia White Dirt" into her mouth.
"This is sho 'nuff good," she said.
It's a tradition at least as old as history. It's practiced all over the
world. And though it might seem strange to the uninitiated, it's not that
different from adding salt (sodium rocks) to your food or chewing on a piece
of gum (synthetic rubber). Though dirt-eating's demise has been predicted
for decades, the practice persists, particularly in rural areas such as
the slice of East Alabama from Loachapoka to Camp Hill, from Tallassee to
Opelika, where modern distribution has displaced the home-dug supply
----------
mangrove roots are no longer the negotiable currency that was in vogue
during that heady era.
Nigel has fallen into all sorts of predicaments in Beerwah when offering
the Coochin Root as a medium of exchange.
----------
I can imagine. hasn't Gerald been able to civilise the beast yet?
----------
very difficult - but he is making the most of our successful nomination of
him to the Caboolture Country Club
----------
he is a messenger boy within those precincts?
----------
he has a menial but essential position in that establishment
----------
well what is it?
----------
the strategic Lascar settlement of Coochin on the east cost of New Holland
was touted by the S S Company's founders as the future crown jewel of the
orient, but once again sank beneath the foetid mud of the Pumicestone Passage.
Its disillusioned inhabitants resumed their piratic customs in the East Indies.