Redundancies
Contents :
Offer of Voluntary Redundancy
Withdrawal of VR Offer
DEETYA
Locked Bag 5123
Brisbane Q 4001.
2nd July 1996.
Dear Ms Hatton,
You will be aware from recent media reportage that offers of Voluntary Redundancy are to be made to 2500 staff in our Department.
We have received your gracious offer to be declared redundant under the "Voluntarism" approach to this matter.
We wish you to know that 2999 other staff also expressed a similar interest in our scheme.
From your extensive mathematical repertoire, you can therefore readily deduce that 136 staff will be unable to avail themselves of our fulsome generosity.
It is now our duty to inform you that your lot has been cast amongst this latter number, and that although counselling is available, our decision is irrevocable. We urge you to take solace in reading any Departmental manuals and pamphlets available at your workstation.
Let me assure you that the Department considers your services to be invaluable (in line with our current slogan "Nothing’s Too Good For 'Em"), and we know that on that fateful day, Budget Day, when the redundancies are announced, you will rise to the occasion, Dawn, when we few, we happy few, we happy band of persons shall face the hordes undaunted and alone. When your grandchildren, and their grandchildren in turn, ask "Where were you on Budget Day?" you can proudly say "I was there, meeting Departmental Objectives, in the most delightful way". Bitter shall be the tears of those who left the fray. Never in the level playing field of Public Service had so much been done to so many by so few, and so on and so forth.
You may rest assured that my typiste and I shall leave no stone upturned in our pursuit of the ringleaders of the "Voluntarism" movement which is now so rampant in the Service!
May you be blessed with fortitude and endurance in the years that stretch before you.
I remain, Madam,
Your most humble and obedient servant,
Sir Humphrey Appleby
Head Redundancer.
DEETYA
Locked Bag 5123
Brisbane QLD 4001.
26th July 1996.
Dear John,
We acknowledge with thanks your request to withdraw from our Voluntary Redundancy Program.
You will appreciate that the Department is strongly committed to our new policy of "Downsizism" as promulgated by our illustrious leaders. We shall leave no stone upturned in our efforts to achieve this.
You especially, John, would appreciate the complexities involved in matching the skills available in our valuable pool of human resources to the tasks that lie ahead. We have sifted through the Performance Indicator Sheets compiled by you and your colleagues, and we find that we are able to achieve the requisite reductions in productivity and efficiency by retaining your services for an indefinite period.
You will therefore be cognisant, John, that we consider your continued employment as essential to Departmental objectives. It is therefore with much pleasure, and indeed great relief, that we accept your withdrawal from the Voluntarism Movement that is now so rampant in the Service.
May we also take this opportunity to offer our condolences on the recent sad demise of your crewperson Helga Deutschlander in the Bribie Bridge Incident. Helga had been earmarked for meteoric promotion to acting AS01.
I remain sir,
Your obedient servant
Sir Humphrey Appleby.
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